Megatron's Diary
by BlackCat12
Summary: Optimus finds Megatron's diary and reads it to Ratchet and Bee. What happens when Megatron finds out?


**Okay guys! Here is what happens when the authors SomethingIDontKnow and BlackCat12 are really bored out of their minds and don't have anything else to do! Make fun of Megatron!**

**Total Crack! Based on the Youtube video "Potter Puppet Pals: Snape's Diary"! If you havent seen it...GO WATCH IT! And if you see words with ** around them, I could'nt think of a similar word to replace it with so...yeah sorry for those. Here are the characters: Harry: Optimus Prime, Ron: Bumblebee, Hermoine: Ratchet, Dumbledore: Jazz, and Snape: Megatron!**

**MAJOR OOC with some Angsty Humor. Don't like...Don't read! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or the youtube video "Potter Puppet Pals: Snapes Diary"!**

**Well here you go! If you like it Please Review after you read! :D**

**Megatrons's Diary!**

Bee sat in Ratchet's Medbay, watching him clean up around the place. He made small talk with the medic. "So when do you think Optimus will be back?" Bee asked, tinkering with some object he found. "Soon...I think." Ratchet replied. "There's really no telling with him." Suddenly Optimus ran into the Medbay, waving a small book around. "LOOK WHAT I FOUND GUYS!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Is that a...book?" Bee asked, his intrest now caught. "I do know a thing or two about books... and that is definantly a book." Ratchet confirmed. "But it's not just ANY book guys." Optimus explained. "Is it a young adult vampire romance novel?" Bee suddenly blurted. Optimus and Ratchet both stared at the yellow bot. "What?" Bee asked innocently. "Go sit back down..." Optimus ordered. Bee slumped sadly and slowly walked back to his previous seat.

"Anyways..." Optimus continued to Ratchet. "I just so happened to find this book in Megatron's bedroom in a locked truck underneath his berth. It's his Diary!" "CAN WE READ IT?" Bee asked excitedly, peeking over Ratchet's shoulder. "I have a way better idea...LET'S READ IT!" Optimus suggested, ignoring Bee. "Sounds like this going to be one VERY interesting character study." Ratchet said. Optimus flipped to the first entry in the diary. "Okay here we go: Dear Diary." _**" Today I ate some oatmeal for my breakfast. It was flavorless and watery. I suddenly thought of my mother. I cried.**_ "I'm hungry now!" Bee said mindlessly. "What else is new Fatty!" Optimus snapped at him. "This is all boring...Let's skip to the good stuff." Optimus flipped violently through the pages. "This looks good." he said stopping at another page. _**"Today I put on my armor and traveled out to the alleyways of Cybertron. I then purchased two fancy Glitchmice. When i brought them home, one devoured the other and then died of lonliness. I've never felt so much envy before."**_

"That's Hilarious!" Optimus laughed. "Wait! I think I see your name Optimus!" Ratchet exclaimed, pointing at the page. "Wow youre really good at reading Ratch...""WHAT?" Optimus yelled, interrupting Bee's reading comment to Ratchet. Optimus started reading again. _**"Today the Prime bot showed me his middle finger. When I attempted to punish him with my nul ray...he shoved me into a corner screaming BOTHER BOTHER over and over again. Later on, he and his yellow bot friend repeated the violent act until I lost all conciousness. Tonight...i actually prayed for the first time in 20 years. I prayed...for the End."**_ "I remember that time! Gimme a five Bee!" Optimus held his hand up for Bee. "But...you already took all my money Optimus..." Bee said quietly. "...Nevermind..." Optimus sighed. He continued reading. _**"I lost a button on my cloak today. Soundwave pointed it out in front of all my Decepticon subordinates. Such cruel intentions. Button...Oh Button. Where have thou fled? Did thee tary to long amongst fabric and thread? Did thee roll of my bosom and cease to exist? How I wish I could follow thee into the mist."**_ "Um...What is a bosom Optimus?" Bee asked, looking up at Optimus. Optimus stared at Bee for a moment. "um..." was all he could say. "Yeah! Tell him Optimus!" Ratchet encouraged. "Oh look guys another page!" Optimus distracted them from Bee's utterly awkward question.

_**"Today, while in the bathtub..." **_"EEEWWW!" all three autobots yelled out. _**"...I fell asleep and had a nightmare. I was navigating The Nemisis through an astroid field. The soud of colliding astroids resolved into... their voices. BOTHER BOTHER! All of a sudden, it turned into music and I was at a Cybertron Ceremony with Starscream. I asked him to dance...he asked me to go die. Oh would that I could Starscream. Oh would that I could." **_"Starscream is awesome!" Optimus declared._** "When I awoke, my *skin* was prunelike from the tepid bath water, and I was late for the jet races wih Skywarp." **_"MMM I like prunes!" Bee hummed happily. Suddenly Jazz walked into the Medbay. "Did somebody say "Prunes"?" he asked excitedly. "Um...I did!" Bee confessed. "How did he know?" he whispered to Ratchet. "What are you sparklings up to? Practising your shooting?" Jazz asked. "No...not really. We are just invading Megatron's personal privacy by reading his diary that I found in his room." Optimus bluntly answered. "Ahh...but you don't have any prunes...do you?" Jazz asked with a sad face. All three autobots looked at each other. "Um...I'm afraid not." Optimus replied. "I'm very disappointed in you Optimus." Jazz turned and walked out of the room.

"...Okay back to the stinky book!" Optimus said, flipping more pages. _**"Today, the yellow bot accidentally drank one of my more expensive energon cubes. He then vomited a glittery rainbow of energon puke. His friends applauded with laughter, instantly triggering my severe migrain. I blasted them out of the bay and was left to clean up the yellow bot's halfway through, Thundercracker showed up and started to brag about his many affairs with Cybertron femme bots. Then he told me I smelled like rust and left without wishing me a Happy Sparkday. I thought of...my father. I cried."**_ "This is all boring! Let's write a new entry!" Optimus suggested. "That sounds like a really fun idea!" Bee agreed. "Here is a pen I carry with me at all times." Ratchet said, handing the pen to Optimus. "Okay..._**I am Megatron,**_" Optimus started to write. "_**I am so sad because I *poo* in my pants all the time. I don't have any friends cause I stink like rust and *poo*. I try to defeat Optimus Prime and it's really boring because he's way cooler than me and he always wins and it makes me have depression. Okay...I think I'll go cry now...but not before I *poo* in my pants. Um...Bye!**_"

Bee exploded with laughter. "Can I try?" he asked after his laughing fit. "Sure you can!" Optimus handed him the pen. "_**I...M...M...**_" Bee wrote, his voice tripping through his vocalizer. "Okay Bee...that was a nice try." Ratchet applauded the small bot. Suddenly, they all heard something being knocked over. They turned to find Megatron stumbling into the room, leaning on a shelf. "Somebot knocked me unconsious and rampaged through my room." Megatron half mumbled. "Wait...that book! Where did you get it?" Megatron yelled when he recongnized his diary. "MEGATRON! BEE STOLE YOUR DIARY!" Optimus lied, throwing the book at Bee. Bee gasped in fright. "WHAT!" Megatron roared. "YOU DID'NT READ IT DID YOU?" "Oh he read it all right. He read it AALL!" Optimus continued to throw Bee under the bus. "This is UNACCEPTABLE!" Megatron roared. "Um...I liked the story about the button, Megatron." Bee quietly said. "You...you really did?" Megatron asked, shocked at what he heard. "Yes. It made so sad...thinking about that little button...all lost and alone. I hope you find your button Megatron." Bee looked up at Megatron with a smile. "So do I...yellow one. So...do...I." Megatrone whispered.

**Well there you go! Like I said above: If you like it Review it! :D **

**-BlackCat12-**


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